"Signs from the dead" and Church Teachings

CCC 196 Our presentation of the faith will follow the Apostles’ Creed, which constitutes, as it were, “the oldest Roman catechism”. The presentation will be completed however by constant references to the Nicene Creed, which is often more explicit and more detailed.

On December 3rd, 2021, my best friend, Connor, died from a suicide attempt the previous night. This time of year is always a bit strange, and it made me question whether or not I was seeing "signs" from him, coincidences, or something else. I decided to do a bit of digging today to see what the Church teaches about this. I've come to the conclusion that it's likely a mix of coincidence on top of God reminding me to pray for his soul, but also, anything is possible with God, so who knows. I don't take these things as "oh, he's saved for sure" or anything, but I do get reminded of him. This year in particular has been incredibly weird. On December 3rd this year, I spoke with my friend for the first time in months at around 1 am EST (keep in mind, this is the exact time of the attempt/overdose). My friend brought up Connor and asked if his death had anything to do with my conversion story, completely unprompted. The timing and subject was incredibly strange to me. Then, on a more silly note, I posted a stupid snowman with a giant carrot nose that I made in 2020. I had sent that photo to Connor and he became obsessed with it and made it his profile picture for awhile. He always talked about and referenced the snowman. Today, one of my new friends randomly became obsessed with the snowman and also made it his profile picture. On the outside, it's a coincidence, but the whole thing made me look into this topic and actually think about it. I checked my DMs with Connor and searched for how many times we said "Jesus". It ended up being 196 times, so I checked the catechism. CCC 196 speaks about the Apostles' Creed, so I decided that every time I pray for Connor's soul, I'll start with that prayer. Maybe this all seems schizo, but I don't really care. Grief is a crazy thing, and God wants me to pray anyways, so I don't think theres any harm in this.

Regarding previous years, I ended up having a dream either in 2022 or 2023 where Connor and I sat at a cafe. We held hands across the table, and I asked him, "do we have enough time?" and he said yes, and then I woke up after sitting with him for a bit. It was either his birthday or his death anniversary. I don't remember. There are always pretty bold and apparent things that remind me of him. It's not stuff like "I saw a butterfly" or a number on the clock, it's always something more direct. I'm careful to not attribute this to him, but rather attribute it to God. Anything is possible through Him.

My ideal mass

Let ruin come upon them unawares!
And let the net which they hid ensnare them;
let them fall therein to ruin!

I went to another parish tonight for mass and I already knew I'd dislike it, but it made me appreciate my home parish. I'm a bit spoiled... while I don't attend a latin mass, it's the most reverent Novus Ordo of all time. Here are the things I like: no female altar servers, no extraordinary ministers, introit/kyrie/gloria/agnus dei/sanctus ALL IN LATIN, priest faces away from us, communion rails, no sign of peace, host is dipped... the list goes on. My priest also never sugar coats things. It's pretty brutal, and I think it's necessary. I was discussing with someone today about how it would be sooo easy to just... stop having female altar servers at the very least. I know it's technically allowed, but I just find it weird. I find a lot of things weird. I think that the parish offices need to stop letting mass be an old lady social hour. I think people need to cut it out with the PDA in the pews. I think we should all receive the Eucharist on the tongue as well.

Mass today was pretty much the exact opposite of what I'm so used to now, and I found it hard to concentrate. I didn't really feel like I was in a place of worship. It felt very protestant. A priest at uni spoke briefly with us at RCIA last year about this very concept, too. He said that following the roman missal kept people coming back to the NO instead of waiting for TLM or finding another parish. I like NO, I'm not sspx/sede or anything, but I have to agree that many places have less and less reverent masses.

BTW to people on twitter engaging in the e-trad coal drama: your soul, God's choice.

Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe

My priest was rambling for about 20 minutes during the homily and I zoned out and started thinking about a question someone asked me: why did I choose Christianity and not something more vague where there are still morals and belief in a higher power? Then, I heard him refer to Jesus by His full title (because of today's feast day) and I remembered that it's that simple.

Every Sunday, I pray for Connor and DJ Sammy P. Today was no different. I almost always start tearing up and have to compose myself again. I remember when Sammy passed. It was the weekend that I was baptized and confirmed. While I was celebrating, he died, and I had no idea. As soon as I found out, that Sunday, I prayed during mass. I offered up the mass for him. An old man (in his 80s) that I befriended during my RCIA classes was there and asked how I was. I told him what happened. He prayed. He got so many people to pray for Sammy's soul. I don't care if others think it's a waste of time. I'm never going to stop praying for him and for Connor. When Connor killed himself, I wasn't religious yet. I felt something weird when he died, though. I had no idea that he was dying, I just knew he was in the hospital. I thought he would be okay. At around 8 pm the night of his passing, I played my roommate's guitar. I felt something incredibly weird and I just continued to play and I started crying. I found out the next day that he had passed at that exact moment that I was playing the guitar (his favorite activity). I don't know what I felt. I wish that I had believed in God back then. Maybe I could have prayed sooner for his soul. I hope that he made it to purgatory, but I won't know until I'm dead.

Luce from Anonymous

I recently received a lovely drawing on my Strawpage! I still don't know who the artist is, but if you're reading this, just know that like... over a thousand people saw your drawing and LOVED it.

I'm going to confession and adoration today at my old parish (bracing the rush hour traffic) and then working on some wedding planning with my fiance. I don't have much else to share regarding the faith... I definitely have not been praying as much as I should be, but I do try to pray the rosary sometimes. It used to be something I prayed every night before bed, but I fell out of the habit. There is always a huge difference when my prayer life is good vs bad, so I'm not quite sure why I haven't bothered to discipline myself and get a routine going again.

First Entry -- About Me

I plan to update this page with anything related to the Catholic faith. Here, I can share my thoughts without being berated. So, to start, here's a little about me: I was raised non-religious, although my dad was southern Baptist. My mom grew up with some Catholic family members, but was never religious herself. It's safe to say that religion had no part in my childhood, and I quickly called myself a hardcore atheist by the time I was on the internet. I held this sort of superiority complex and would find Christianity to be the stupidest thing in existence. I quite literally HATED all Christians (what I really hated was Protestantism... lol). I became more agnostic as I started to search for more spiritual meaning in life, but nothing really filled this void in my heart. As I continued to study astrophysics at university, I was still in search of some greater meaning. After a series of events (and a LOT of reading and conversations about philosophy, logic, theology, etc.) I ended up giving Catholicism a chance. I completed RCIA and was baptized and confirmed during the 2024 Easter vigil. TLDR: I'm an atheist to Catholic convert. I might write a full testimony and post it some day, but I'm not really sure how to begin. There's just a lot that I don't really know how to formulate. If I do write one, it'll be posted here so that I can't receive hate comments. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this page, as well as the rest of my website.